So what I did in the end is using: https://docs.gitlab.com/ee/user/clusters/applications.html#install-using-gitlab-cicd.
So the gitlab-managed-apps are not managed via ui but with a "cluster management project".
So now I don't have to figure out how to place that config map in my cluster (and how to name it) but I can just configure the ingress controller (and everything else) via the helm chart with a simple values.yaml.
I just cloned the https://gitlab.com/gitlab-org/cluster-integration/example-cluster-applications/ example and added:
# .gitlab/managed-apps/ingress/values.yml
controller:
replicaCount: 1
config:
hsts-include-subdomains: "false"
So this is still an alpha feature but for now it works well for me :-)